Kites - ek kati patang hain!

Kites can be best described in typical Mumbaiyya lingo as 'ch****a banaya bada maja aaya'. As it happened with most of much-awaited-highly-hyped movies 'Kites' disappoints to the core. And you keep on asking yourself 'what took them so long to come up with this'?
Kites is sickening bore and slow paced movie that unfortunately termed as representation of so called Bollywood Movies to the West. And guess what? it might succeed to reinforce their belief of that our movies are just about songs and dance and story with no soul (and in this case no story at all).
Remember those mid 80's and 90's movies. Rich dad, poor lad, romance, 'khandaan ki izzat' and 'Hamara pyar amar hain' types dialogues? Yes, kites has all this, except that all this set in USA (Like most of big banner movies these days). Papa Roshan has given a perfect launch pad to beta Roshan in Hollywood. We know Hritik looks awesome, He dances bloody well and yeah this starson can act. Papa Roshan, made sure all this will be focused in the movie.
So we have Mr. J (Hritik) with 'Devil May Care' attitude who is a dancer in Las Vegas [Hritik's dance - check] a womanizer who flaunts his body and go all shirtless for many sequences [Hritik's Look and Physique - check] Vegas's big bad daday's [Kabir Bedi] big spoiled daughter Gina [Hysteria Queen - Kangana] fall flat for J, for J it was easiest way to get Rich and he has no hesitation to say Yes to Gina's proposal. The Kahani mein twist comes at Gina's brother's engagement when our Mr. J finds out that Gina's Bro's fiance Natasha (Barbara Mori) is J's Ex-Wife (Natasha formerly known as Linda). Suddenly life starts to run in slow motions and soon J and Natasha releases that they are in love. However they are equally aware of the reality. Both wants to be rich and this love won't take them anywhere. What next?? Gina's brother (Nicholas Brown who acts exactly like Mohnish Behl ) soon finds out about J and Natasha. All badies goes against our lovely couple on run. The movie features more car flying than kites in the sky that must have Rohit Shetty fuming.
The movie looks hugely inspired by 'Ek Duje Ke Liye' but completely lacks charm that was present in it. The much talked about chemistry between Hritik and Barbara is evident but for me it's hardly any reason to like a movie. The communication gap between both our protagonists hardly seems a problem in the movie and mainly used as a gimmick to find more relevance with western audience. Ayananka Bose's cinematography, Salim Sulaiman's background score and action sequences are top notch but those are expected with such a big budget movie. Even if i skip the nitpicking Kites is really 'difficult-to-like' movie. For die-hard Hritik fans it's a visual treat...for rest it's just a kati PATANG hain.

Backlog

What's wrong with me?
2010 is almost half way down and I am yet to go through following life changing experiences...more I am missing to write reviews for the same.
I must get the life...

So the movies I am referring to in no particular order ....

• Veer
• Pathshala
• Prince
• Houseful
• Teen Patti
• Right Ya Wrong
• Phoonk -2
• Badmash Company
• Hum Tum aur Ghost
• Lahore
• Jaane Kahase Aayee Hain?
• Pankh
• Pyar Impossible

zzzzzz.......

There is nothing new or different or funny in this pic.

In fact it's quite old one

आपण ह्याना पाहिलात का?

So I am talking about days of छायागीत and चित्रहार here, when people used to drink रसना in summer vacation and Biscuits means only Parle-G or Marrie and when Juhu chowpatty was a clean and tidy place to hangout. In those days Mumbai Doordharshan Kendra used to telecast आपण ह्याना पाहिलात का? a program for missing people (well not exactly for missing ones but for ones who were looking for them). Off late I have been missing few people and yeah Nilesh pinged me this link and then Ankit cracked this news resulting it in this post.

Macmohan remembered as Samba throughout his life and Viju Khote as Kalia. How actors sometime stuck to their images and just never came out. No one can imagine Arun Govil in anything than Raam or no matter how hard Smriti Irani tried by still she is Tulsi Bhabhi..anyways this just off the track....what we are looking here are few missing ones.They did not officially retired but simply disappeared.

Kimi Katkar and Mamta Kurkarni - I really missed them but not any more. But both these marathi muli (girls) rocked the bollywood. In days of bollywood when 'Sexy Sexy Sexy mujhe log bole' has been forcefully changed to "Baby Baby Baby mujhe log bole" these two did their maximum to wear minimum clothes. Google out images of Mamata Kulkarni and Kimi Katkar and you would know what I am talking about. The world first seen Kimi as Indian avatar of Jane in Tarzaan with none other than Hemant Birze.

The last and lasting impression of Kimi Katkar was in Movie Hum where Jumma denies Chumma to Amitabh Bachhan.

With Mamta Kulkarni there are so many unforgettable moments but the stardust controversy takes the cherry. Poor girl charged under obscenity act and fined for 15000 bucks. But this wasn't end of it as she appeared in court in a burqa to evade photographers and that leads to yet another controversy. Least to say she was yesteryear's Rakhi Sawant. Such a great person but sadly she was last seen in forgettable China Gate.  I wish she should have left the industry after her deadly Maraa Re act in Ghataak.

The only other marathi mulgi who gave them a run for their money was Shilpa Shirodkar fondly remembered for her act in GopiKishan with Sunil Shetty and Wada-Paav or all the rain dance numbers. But now she is back as a judge in an outrageously boring Marathi Dance Show accompanied by her sister Namrata Shirodkar. [Trivia: Namrata was featured on VH1's The Greatest: 40 Dumbest Celebrity Quotes Ever for her answer at the 1993 Miss Universe contest to a question asked by Jackie Chan - "I would not want to live forever because I don't believe that one can live forever. And so, I don't think I would want to live forever.!"] 

Then to complete the circle there is Antara Mali a cross between Urmila Matondar and Ritesh Dekhmukh who did her every bit to harass the audience, thankfully last seen in her directorial disaster Mr. yaa Miss, the only thing to her credit is she can make Aftaab to look a decent actor.

As I am getting all senti for these bollywood divas there were few more people who goes on missing ----any news about them?

Chandrachur Singh - A quite talented and promising actor. Last seen in an IPL match supporting RR.
Tara Deshpande - Yes, Dolly from Bombay Boys.
Vijay Bharadwaj- Yeah! you guessed it right, someone who became man of the series in his very first series and cricinfo records says a lot about him here
Indian Idols - Now when all India is busy in finding 'agla Indian Idol' can someone care to share what happened to previous 4? Wait, Idol - 1 is hosting the show and then??
Shiny Ahuja - We know he is somewhere out there in Noida, perhaps seeking for some domestic help :P
Rahul Roy - The modern day phoenix who emerged out of nowhere and went on to win Big Boss 1 and then disappeared again.
Anu Agarwal - It was a package in those early 90's Rahul Roy often comes with Anu Agarwal
Indipop - a detailed post follows...

Indian Cricket Team's Debacle through Ishikawa Diagram

Ishikawa diagrams (also called fishbone diagrams or cause-and-effect diagrams) are diagrams that show the causes of a certain event. Common uses of the Ishikawa diagram are product design and quality defect prevention, to identify potential factors causing an overall effect.Each cause or reason for imperfection is a source of variation. Causes are usually grouped into major categories to identify these sources of variation. The categories typically include:

People: Anyone involved with the process
Methods: How the process is performed and the specific requirements for doing it, such as policies, procedures, rules, regulations and laws.
Environment: The conditions, such as location, time, temperature, and culture in which the process operates
Management: The overall management responsible for given people, methods and process in general.

 --Courtesy - Uncle Wiki

 

You must be wondering what is all this. I have always found most of Managerial fundae very little useful in day to day life. But fish-bone diagram is such a kick-ass technique that gets straight to the point. Just put the scenario of recent Indian Cricket Team's performance in big ICC events and let's see what we got.

Now I am not a cricketing expert and the inferences here are straight out of my little knowledge about the game and some personal grudges too (you will know that.)

 

Now in detail:
 
People:

Ravindra Jadeja:

You need an exceptional talent to screw up a match single handedly. And this guy is just the one we were looking for. Not just once but he has done it over and over again.

Gosh I missed him in IPL, otherwise he could have added some more feathers in his cap. Besides being in The Great Dhoni's good book, he sometimes violets contracting laws, drops few important catches, play a vital role to keep Sachin away from century and we all love the way he bats, don't we?

Ravindra Jadeja is such an ASSet to team youngistan. And if his young god (read Dhoni) allows may we see him again and again and again.

 
Dhoni:

Now being MSD is toughest job, no matter what you do (or what you don't do), you get credit for all the good things. But the ever lucky captain of Indian Cricket team is losing his good luck. Being really fair to him he is losing his form too..Now don't talk about his innings in IPL (We will come to that latter) but even the greatest fans of MSD will realize that he has changed his batting  style. Shall we call it maturing with the age? Well not exactly, he still struggles and the lack of technique is quite evident and gets exploited repetitively now.

Another thing that is really disturbing is his hold over the team.  It just doesn't look Dhoni's team anymore. The Captain Cool is no more cool....might be his visits to Red Light Area in Chennai should solve this issue.

 
Method:

Team Selection:

Now this one is as old as Woman's Reservation Bill in parliament. You  just can not satisfy Captain, Senior Players, TV reporters and Indian fans at a time period! I kind of pity selection committee...Frankly it's a thankless job. If team wins Dhoni gets all the credit if they lose we put it on to selection committee.

 

Technique:

OK accepted we can't play short pitched ball...now what? we still don't have any remedy on that we just keep on finding workarounds for it.
And what's workaround for that? Playing matches in Indian Subcontinent or series against Minos.
Ganguly still can't play it and struggled in IPL 3 with the very problem. How many from team youngistan do that?
 
Environment:
IPL
Lets talk IPL..what Indian Cricket team got from IPL
Lalit Modi, Money, Injuries, Fatigue, Cheer-leaders (Glass Half empty)
Yousuf Pathan, Ravindra Jadeja (Glass still half empty)

I have no complains against IPL, I have watched it for entertainment and it guaranteed that to me totally. What the whole point missing here is comparing and judging IPL for International Cricket. We did that mistake from IPL season 1, 2 and 3. You simply can extrapolate the pool of players both national and international played for IPL to T20 WC. Yousuf Pathan is an ideal example for it. Another case to be noticed is hugely talented Rohit Sharma who nowadays plays only for IPL.

Another thing is timing, IPL often come just before a major ICC tournament and as IPL is voluntary option for all the players. Most of the Indian Players opt for it...with the obvious reason (well nothing wrong in it) what hurts here is justifying IPL by saying it as more match practice. Come On! being a viewer I got tired of watching T20 then players must have been tired by now.

 

Management:

BCCI

And then comes the management who are in a way responsible for every aspect of it. BCCI is headed by Sharad Pawar and that talks tons of things. All we are looking for a zeal to solve these issues.

 

Ishikawa diagram puts the causes on board to find out the solutions.....do we have it?

 

Note: Again this is totally personal viewpoint and based on same recent data and my understanding about the game.

City Moments Of Success

Oh I missed few city moments of success (IPL hangover still ON) over month or so. A small recap just for you Exclusively on Mumbaichaat


Harbhajan Singh, Nita Ambani jubilant after win....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejG5vJnVCbE
Now some might find it cute or an innocent moment of celebration...but the snap itself is so funny.

Saada Sardar going all guns to lift Neeta Ambani and She nevertheless giving a Kodak Moment...with her foot popping act. I still can't stop wondering her absentia in IPL finals....


Ayesha-Shoib-Sania 'Maha' Drama...
Oh we loved it, don't we? To such extent that Dantewada massacre made page 2 entry when entire nation was busy in solving the mystery.

 Here what we learned from this...
You can actually get married on phone
You can actually get divorced on phone.
An Indian Tennis Player can marry Pakistani Cricketer (sadly both not-so-in-great form) and can live in Dubai happily ever after.


Rakhi Ka Vivah...
Yeah, u heard it right....since Swayamwar didn't work well (as we guessed it). The adopted daughter of NDTV Imagine is back with Rakhi Ka Vivah (this time toh pakka) Keep looking for this space for more.




Dhan Te Naaan...

Aaja Aaja Dhan Nichode...
Cricket Ki Matki Fode...
Koi toh team nikaale...
Aur IPL hum khele....
....arey dil dil dara yeh hain MODI KA KHEL
Kodi Kodi Paisa Paisa paise ka khel....
Chal Chal SetMax pe hogi dhan dhan...
Dhan Te Naan
You Love him You Hate Him....but you simply can't Ignore him.
Modi is wrong ...oh yes
He deserves a punishment....100%
Is he a scapegoat....yep yep...and the real culprits are still out there somewhere...


Shashi Twitter...
Accept it! He was simply not ready for it. He took every wrong move in Indian Politics...every country has it's own political scenario. and to say the least Shashi Tharoor was under prepared for India.
Will he come back?....time will tell.


God is Good enough?
Mumbai Indian chocked in finals and we all still waiting to see GOD to lift the cup. The semi finals injury, heroic inning in the finals, God's birthday  just a day before....nothing can stop his jinx in finale.
And what worse is Dhoni took the cup (Just for records I HATE DHONI)


House Full....
Oh, I missed those movies in theatres...Thankfully IPL is over and ICC T20 WC is such a lame show that can give Navayuvak Sangh Cricket Spardha a run for their money. I am all set for Movieing again....
Akshay Kumar continues to shit on silverscreen with Housefull....Hritik Kumar is back in Movies after gazillion years. and some interesting projects like Rajneeti & Ravaan in pipeline.....


Scoring even....
Will Kasab get death?....Should he?
At least for once we should score even....will it really stop terror in India...NO
Will it send a strong message across border...I DO NOT KNOW
Should Indian Judiciary buckle under public pressure....PLEASE NO (We are not selecting Indian Idol here)
Will Kasab get death?....Should he?


WTF
Well it's not the question, it's just an expression!.
When the world is busy in Kyota Protocol, Volcanic Ash eruptions in Ireland, preparing for FIFA world cup or simply twitting and FaceBooking. Indian's found new topic to discuss..."Should Babas are allowed to have sex?" well certainly not on camera and definately not the way Baba Nityananad did.
But otherwise...spare that Baba, I mean cmmon; He is in prison for what


Obama- Neighbour's envy...Owner's Pride


The new age Masiah aka Obama is getting upclose and cozzy with Pakistan keeping all Indian fuming. The recent NY Time Square crude bombing ploy got some Pakistani involved in it. It's strange and weird but I saw Arnab from Times Now was actually smiling when he reported that Faisal Shahzad (the accused) is actually Pakistani origin. It's about time for Indian Media to mature!

Ohh!

No post for a month, Why?
I have been busy.
Busy, in what?
IPL, Kasab Trial, Wipro Testing Confluence, Personal Stuff, Professional Stuff, Long distance calls, May Day Celebrations, Maharashtra Day Celebrations, Usual gatherings, unusual get-2 gethers, e-mails, chatting, tele conferences, birthday parties, books, movies
ah!! OK. That's Good. So now?
I am back
OH!